


Xeno

by epsilon_eta



Series: Old Love But In Shapes That Renew [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Nightmares, alex has nightmares, and aaron doesnt know what to do, its not a major theme but i still want yall to be safe, part of the olbistr verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 19:19:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7476603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epsilon_eta/pseuds/epsilon_eta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been a rough and exhausting week for both Aaron and Alexander; finals were right on their doorsteps and then there was all the talk about their future coupled with the sun drumming down onto everybody proved to make the whole college, hell, the whole city, frantic and stressed. It was Saturday evening now, Alex would have his first exam on Monday, Aaron would have his on Tuesday and they were both caught up on some last minute revising, even though they had revised enough really, but Aaron was anxious about failing and Alexander was afraid of not having enough time to learn everything he could.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Xeno

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello hello!! welcome back!! and hello to new readers!!  
> this is part of the olbistr verse, but it can be seen as a standalone fic. im honestly moving so far away from the reincarnation but its going to be brought up in the next installment. anyways, thanks for baby girl for betaing this again and i hope u enjoy!!
> 
> also xeno means this: The smallest measurable unit of human connection, typically exchanged between passing strangers — a flirtatious glance, a sympathetic nod, a shared laugh about some odd coincidence — moments that are fleeting and random but still contain powerful emotional nutrients that can alleviate the symptoms of feeling alone.

It had been a rough and exhausting week for both Aaron and Alexander; finals were right on their doorsteps and then there was all the talk about their future coupled with the sun drumming down onto everybody proved to make the whole college, hell, the whole city, frantic and stressed. It was Saturday evening now, Alex would have his first exam on Monday, Aaron would have his on Tuesday and they were both caught up on some last minute revising, even though they had revised enough really, but Aaron was anxious about failing and Alexander was afraid of not having enough time to learn everything he could.

 

It wasn’t until Aaron heard some ruffling and then a heavy object falling to the floor that he turned around to find his boyfriend lying on the couch asleep; the book he had been reading was lying next to his fingers dangling near the floor. Aaron glanced fondly at the scene, a small smile playing on his lips, before standing up from the desk he had been hunched over for the past few hours and removing the rest of Alex’s belongings from his body, a journal, an assortment of pencils and another, slimmer book. The throw blanket they bought a few months ago was thrown over the man’s body before Aaron returned to his work.

 

It had been a quiet evening, both immersed in their work but from time to time their eyes would find each other and they would smile before returning to what they had been doing before. The silence was easy with Alexander, even though he could sometimes be found murmuring under his breath because it was still rare that he was fully silenced. Even when he was sleeping, Aaron had found out, he sometimes whispered parts of conversations or essays, his hands twitching in gestures so his boyfriend savored those moments of silence in the whirlwind but it was nothing like the calm before a storm, it was rather the soft pitter-patter of the rain during Spring; different but refreshing.

 

Caught up in his thoughts, Aaron at first didn’t hear the frantic rustling from the couch but when his boyfriend let out a small yelp he promptly turned around to face the couch again. Alex’s legs were thrashing under the blanket, interweaving themselves with the fabric but it also looked like they were trying to rid themselves of it. Aaron stood up, not exactly knowing what to do, this hadn’t occurred before and quite frankly, Alexander’s frenzied movements did not look normal nor healthy. Aaron knelt down next to the couch, looking down at his boyfriend’s face, seeing how fast his eyes moved behind his eyelids.

 

“Alex?” He tried, reaching a hand out to shake the other’s shoulder but the touch made Alex violently jerk away as if it had burned him, so Aaron let it fall back onto his thighs. “Alexander?” He spoke louder this time, hoping the volume would wake the other but it was to no avail, instead Alex let out another yelp and immediate, cold fear set deep into Aaron. He wanted to reach out again, physically yank his boyfriend out of whatever nightmare he was having if he had to, but he thought back to a few seconds ago when Alex had so violently reacted to touch. He told himself not to feel bad because it wasn’t his fault, nor was it Alexander’s, it was the nightmare he was experiencing and this wasn’t about Aaron, damnit, but he couldn’t stop a quick jolt of disappointment racing through him. Maybe Alex was afraid of Aaron in a way, he didn’t know much about his boyfriend’s past so he didn’t know if anyone had ever hurt him like that. The thought alone made Aaron impossibly angry and if someone had really taken the liberty to do that to amazing Alexander, _his_ Alexander - Aaron’s train of thought was cut off when the other let out a miserable mix of a sob and whimper and he was pulled back into the present, to his boyfriend still convulsing on the couch. _Are those tears?_

 

Aaron very nearly jumped up, searching for a solution, anything to aid Alex and make him stop making those noises that were stirring something protective in Aaron’s chest. Should he call an ambulance? No, Alex almost insisted on no doctors, no hospitals. Maybe he should google Alex’s symptoms? No, he had once said something about the internet only worrying people more and make them believe they had cancer instead of their actual illness. Aaron started walking around the room, something Alex often did, and rubbed over his face and head. There had to be something, he was sure, he couldn’t just let Alexander suffer on his own. He stopped, blinking away the tears that had gathered in his eyes because he was more afraid than he would like to admit. That’s when it hit him, with a look around the room and the picture of their friends on the wall - _Laurens._

 

Him and Alexander had been friends and roommates for years, surely he would know what to do about this. Aaron quickly took off towards the bedroom, having disposed his phone there earlier, and dialed John’s number. While he waited he looked at the clock; 11:51pm, not too late on a Saturday and knowing Laurens, he was awake revising as well. After a few seconds of torturing beeps in his ear, the line crackled when the other picked up.

 

“Aaron?” He inquired as a greeting, his voice was just the slightest bit surprised; Aaron didn’t call him everyday after all.

 

“Laurens,” Aaron’s voice sounded way more worried and feeble than he wanted, he noted, “I don’t know- Alex, he’s- I don’t know what’s happening, I think he’s having a nightmare, he fell asleep on the couch and he’s twitching and I am fucking scared.” He gushed out, anxiety settling heavy on his chest, blocking the air from entering and leaving his lungs. Realizing what was happening like this made the situation that much more worse.

 

“Okay, calm down, you’re no help like this.” There was a bit of shuffling on the other end, presumably Laurens standing up, then there were steps. “Go back to him, sit down and talk to him, don’t stop, tell him anything. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Then the line went dead, leaving Aaron alone but instead of wallowing in the silence, he walked back into the living room with his cell phone in hand and sat down on the floor.

 

At first he didn’t know what to say, it felt awkward speaking to his mostly silent boyfriend, but eventually he settled on talking about the book he was reading whenever he had the time. After maybe a minute of his monologue, Aaron noticed small signs of Alexander calming down, albeit slowly but it was there. Throughout his talking, he had laid his hand onto a cushion to be closer to his boyfriend, but he was still surprised that, as Alex threw himself onto his side and frantically moved his hands, he grabbed Aaron’s hand tightly in his. The skin was clammy and the grip was harder than Aaron had expected from someone that was asleep. And even though he was surprised, he kept on talking until the door opened and Laurens walked in with a worried look in his eyes. Before Aaron could say anything, Laurens’ eyes found his and he almost lurched towards the couch and knelt beside Aaron.

 

“Since when has he been like this?” He asked, hesitating to touch his friend, but when he saw how tightly Alex was clutching his boyfriend’s hand, Laurens gently took Alexander’s face in his hands.

 

“I don’t know, not long, maybe five minutes or so. I tried waking him but it didn’t work.” Aaron explained, soothingly rubbing his thumb on his boyfriend’s hand, similar to how Laurens was stroking his face. The physical attention finally stopped most of the convulsions, however Alexander’s eyes were still moving behind his eyelids and he took to mumbling incoherently. Laurens nodded curtly and then bent his head further towards Alexander’s, probably to hear what he was mumbling about, before he shot Aaron a small smile.

 

“He’s saying your name.” Was the answer when said man furrowed his brows as to say ‘what?’. “He used to say mine and it was always horribly awkward to whoever he was dating at the time.” Aaron looked down to hide both his blush and the smile spreading across his face. After that, they lapsed into silence, Alex’s mumbling turning into a white noise until it broke off completely and the hand in Aaron’s became lighter until it wasn’t almost breaking it.

 

“John?” Alexander’s voice was raspy and quiet, so different from his usual demeanor that it nearly hurt Aaron just listening to it. Laurens nodded and pressed a quick kiss to Alex’s forehead. To some it might be weird to see someone else kissing their boyfriend, but Aaron had become used to the physical affection shared in their circle of friends so he simply waited until his boyfriend’s eyes focused on him and - oh, they were puffy and red from crying and Aaron very much catapulted himself into Alex’s arms, pressing kiss after kiss to his lips, cheeks, forehead, any piece of skin he could reach.

 

Laurens had disappeared at some point, but he came back with a cup of tea in his hands to find the couple cuddled up on the couch, Alexander on Aaron’s chest and their hands interlocked. They were whispering to each other about something that made Alex laugh, his throat surely still rough, so when Aaron saw Laurens approaching, he made himself and Alex sit up. They sat in silence for a while before Aaron spoke up.

 

“I’m sorry for calling you at this hour,” he began, looking from Alex to Laurens, “but it was nice that you came. I didn’t know if you had something better to do.” Laurens lifted his hand and waved it in a dismissive gesture.

 

“It’s fine, Francis wasn’t at mine because we both had to study for finals but honestly, I was just doodling in my textbook.” All of them laughed at that, the air growing warmer by the second. Alex was sipping his tea, Aaron’s arms wrapped around him and Laurens on the other side, watching them both with a smile and fond eyes. “Anyways, I better get going, I don’t want to intrude anymore than I have.” He stood up, even though Alex assured him that he wasn’t, but he was cut off with a yawn. Aaron removed his arms from Alex’s waist, not without pressing another kiss to his cheek, and stood up as well.

 

“I’ll show you out.” The request for a conversation was left out, but Laurens must have understood because he didn’t object, even though the door wasn’t that far away. With a last look at Alex, sitting on the couch wrapped up in the blanket and sipping tea, Aaron exited the flat after Laurens and left the door slightly ajar.

 

“I just wanted to thank you again, for coming and helping me.” He stated quietly, not wanting Alex to overhear. “I had no clue what to do and-” He cut off when Laurens lifted a hand again.

 

“It’s no problem, my man. I want Alex to be happy and he’s happy with you. If you ever need help or just want to talk shit about him, hit me up. Liza and I meet monthly.” He joked, clapping Aaron on the shoulder before turning towards the stairs but before he could reach them, Aaron called him back.

 

“Has anyone ever...Alex, he reacted rather violently to my touch at first and I was wondering if anyone had ever…?” He trailed off, not knowing how to phrase it but judging by how Laurens’ eyes widened, he understood.

 

“No, no, that’s not it. Don’t worry.” Laurens assured and then rubbed his neck. “Look, like I said before, it’s not my story to tell, but I’m sure Alex will tell you soon. It’s sad but it takes a long time for him to trust people with this.” He opened his mouth as to say something more, but he just closed it with a nod and then jogged down the stairs. Aaron stood in front of the flat for a moment longer, waiting until the door downstairs fell shut, before returning inside. The empty cup stood on the coffee table and Alexander had stood up, still wrapped in the blanket when he made grabby hands with the hand that wasn’t holding the blanket. Aaron laughed and together they retired to the bedroom.

  
A few minutes later, when they were both lying in bed, Alex on his chest and playing with his shirt, Aaron thought that he loved Alexander’s everything, his past, his quirks and his nightmares and panic attacks. They would talk about this all in the morning, but now it was time to sleep, even though Alex had explained that he most likely wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep again. With a last kiss and a mumbled ‘love you’ from both, Aaron closed his eyes, squeezed his boyfriend one last time (Alex made the cutest high-pitched noise at that) and then let himself slip into sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!! kudos and comments are great appreciated and loved and if u want u can check out my other works as well!!  
> comes talk to me on my twitter @petit_hammie, my tumblr petit-hammie and my instagram petit_hammie


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